About Insecurity

This idea of writing was came from a friend who was sharing her teology book she has just read. About insecurity. The book said that if when you were single you feel insecure about yourself, it wont get solved by getting married, that you will still feel insecure when you're married. Still from the book, it said that most of the time a person feels incomplete and hope that by getting married, their spouses could complete them. The fact is actually quite far from there -still according to the book. But in my personal opinion, i think it is somehow correct.

I found that for so many times i couldn't figure out about people, mostly girls, who feel unsave and act like their lifes are the most miserable life in the world. I can't understand them since i don't find anything wrong about them, most of them aren't ugly, fat, poor, brokened home or something. I also can't understand women who ban their boyfriends from meeting other women and vice versa. Are grown ups relationship are all about physical? If it is not, your boyfriend or girlfriend wouldn't attracted to other women or men in a very short time. So two or three hours meeting a day won't get them cheating on you. I morely can't understand women who dissalow their boyfriends from hanging out with their boy friends, men have this brotherhood mates you can't restrict them to meet. Then came this friend who were telling me about her teology book. The book said that insecurity came with history. A person who always feel unsave maybe ever had an experience back there on their childhood which make them feel rejected and unchosen.

Hmm.. So i guess it all makes sense now. Well, i can't surely say that they're acting like that is just because they are like that, because there is this little probability that they have history.....that should be respected. Hmm, but no, actually everybody has history, everybody has their past. It's all about how you react after tragedy. If you were making bad decision about how you react back then because you were still just a kid, you always have time to re-adjust your reaction now, i guess..

What i want to remind you all once again is that life is beautiful. You are beautiful no matter way. Sometimes bad things happened, it all makes you grieving and feel lonely. It makes your stomach hurt and your eyes wet. But no matter how, it all will back to fine again, because everything is okay, everything is just perfect.

Love,
Alice.

John Lennon | Awesomeness

Surat untuk Rumah

Teruntukmu,
Rumah Jiwaku

Tahukah kau dalam setiap tinta
Tak pernah habis terucap cinta
Dalam setiap hembus,
Dalam setiap jiwa,
Dalam setiap raga.

Ketika semua asa telah tiada,
Dalammu, ia kembali terjaga.
Ketika kalah adalah pilihan,
Dalammu, ia tiada.

Ketika cinta bukanlah kata, tapi rasa.

Jarak hanya penanda, bukan fakta.
Untuk kita, ia tak nyata.

Kata mereka, rumah adalah tempat hati berada.
Jika itu benar, maka rumahku adalah kamu.

Sekarang tanya hati pada pikirku,
Jika kita, tidak ditakdirkan untuk bersama,
Maka apa itu cinta?

p.s: I know that you can write, but i dont know that good.
       taken from Think Thank FC

bicara mata, bicara rasa.

Saat kau buka mata dan yang kau lihat adalah bahagia, maka tersadarlah hati bahwa rasa tak pernah salah berkata.

Lalu saat bahagia itu begitu dalam kau rasa, sampai kau takut tuk lagi buka mata, karna kau pikir bahagia itu tak mungkin nyata.

Saat itulah kau tahu bahwa ada rasa takut di sela bahagia.

Ada rasa tak rela kalau suatu saat nanti bahagia itu mungkin habis dimakan fakta.

Ialah saat di mana kau sekali lagi buka mata. Apa kan kau rasa jika bahagia itu tak lagi di sana.

Maka kau tutup rapat mata, membayangkan ia yang kau cinta akan tetap selalu ada, mengkhayalkan waktu tuk berhenti di sini saja.

Namun pagi memaksamu membuka hari, menyambut pikuknya dunia lalu lanjut berlari.

Maka tersadarlah kau bahwa pilihan tuk berhenti bukanlah pilihan yang kau miliki, maka kau paksa matamu tuk terjaga dan kembali melihat realita.

Kembali berjalan, kembali berjuang, kembali berharap untuk suatu saat nanti ketika kau membuka mata bahagia itu kan selalu ada di sana.

Alice Ayu.

picture tells

Rain and Romance

Have you ever been to Bandung? It has already been like my hometown myself since 2004, when i was just 14. Unlike Jakarta, Bandung is a small town with all of the swing air and its calm. It is a place where you can find many crafts and original songs or music bands. Bandung is always a good place to fall in love. It is a place where you can have the view all of your own. You do not need to deal with rush or traffic. You can find smiles on the civilization’s lips. And most of all you can have as many times for yourself as you like.

The city itself has a lot of places you can visit to. It’s like in every month there’s another new place opened for public. Mostly is cafe. Don’t be confuse if you find many people sit alone by theirselves and just browse something on their laptop. It’s common there. Me myself doing the thing for a lot of times, it was like my everyday i guess. Just put my laptop and earphone on my handbag and i’m ready to go to anywhere my feet will willing to take me into. I’ll sit tight on the corner of a cafe, grab some drinks and there i was, just sitting all day trying to figure out the world. Maybe that’s what makes my moving step to Jakarta was pretty rough at the beginning. Here, people are just different. They don’t do the thing many people at Bandung do commonly. I just feel like an outsider or something. They speak differently, their jokes are different, their terms are strange for me, but what most disturbing is that they think differently. I don’t say about better and worse, i just say about how the difference between the two was quite hard for me to accept at the beginning. Now that i begin to feel comfort here, i can say that it’s all about getting the right time to finally meet the right community. But still, i’ll miss Bandung with all my heart in every second of my every day.

Bandung is a really great place to fall into love..

Beauty of Nature

Recently, i was having several opportunities to go to beaches. First was to Gili and then near Jakarta is to Tidung Island. It was always a blessing for me. The feeling i always have whenever i go near closer to nature is always unexplainable. I think i could be a gyptian, leaving home, living free, less builidng, more greens and blues, less courtesy, more new people. It would be awesome, i could definitely fit in that. I think nature is an enough proof that God is up there.

GILI

  TIDUNG ISLAND

I think every journey must gives us something to learn. Every trip, every ocean, must gives us a new perspective of life. "Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better." -Albert Einstein.

Zahra from Heesu | Part.2

Zahra from Heesu

Inability. Ketika mendengar kata ini, kebanyakan orang akan langsung mengacu pada ketidakmampuan seseorang secara fisik dan mental. Fisik, seperti ketidakmampuan untuk berjalan dan berbicara, lalu mental, seperti ketidakmampuan otak untuk bertumbuh dan berkembang dengan normal. Walaupun sebenarnya ketidakmampuan tidak hanya terbatas pada ketidakmampuan tersebut di atas. Masih ada ketidakmampuan seseorang untuk bergaul di lingkungan sosialnya. Ketidakmampuan untuk menerima kekurangan diri sendiri dan cenderung menyalahkan keadaan sekitar untuk suatu kesalahan yang terjadi. Lalu juga ketidakmampuan untuk memperjuangkan sesuatu yang diinginkan. Belum lagi ketidakmampuan untuk menjadi tulus hati dan masih ada ketidakmampuan-ketidakmampuan lain di luar ketidakmampuan fisik dan mental yang mungkin dapat disebut sebagai ketidakmampuan pribadi dan sosial.

Setiap orang pasti memiliki salah satu dari kategori ketidakmampuan yang ada. Seseorang yang secara fisik dan mental sudah tidak sempurna, memiliki kecenderungan untuk juga mengalami ketidakmampuan sosial, karena by default mereka akan merasa rendah diri dan masyarakat sosial by default juga memiliki kecenderungan untuk melecehkan mereka. Sehingga keadaan akan menjadi jauh lebih susah untuk seseorang yang sejak awal sudah memiliki ketidakmampuan fisik dan mental. Namun bukan berarti bahwa orang yang tidak memilikinya, kepribadian dan jiwa sosialnya sudah dapat dipastikan lebih baik dibanding penderita ketidakmampuan fisik dan mental. Di Panti Tuna Ganda Heesu - Yayasan Cahaya Cinta, ada 25 anak-anak yang mengalami ketidakmampuan fisik dan mental. Sebagian mengalami ketidakmampuan fisik, sebagian ketidakmampuan mental, dan sebagian lagi keduanya. Pada sesi terapi yang dilakukan oleh ahli terapi khusus sekaligus kepala panti dari panti tersebut, dapat dilihat bagaimana mereka semua memiliki kepribadian yang tangguh karena hanya untuk mengucapkan satu kata saja mereka membutuhkan perjuangan yang keras, yang menyebabkan seluruh anggota badan mereka bergerak-gerak secara otomatis. Dalam kondisi seperti itu, ahli terapi akan menyentuh anggota badan mereka yang sedang bergerak-gerak dan berkata "rileks rileks, pelan-pelan".

Ini adalah Zahra, salah satu dari 25 anak penghuni Panti Tuna Ganda Heesu.

Namun ada pula sebagian orang yang dengan segala kesempurnaan fisik dan mentalnya mengalami ketidakmampuan pribadi atau juga ketidakmampuan sosial atau pun keduanya. Banyak dari orang-orang ini yang merasa sangat kesulitan untuk menerima kesalahan. Seringkali mereka akan melemparkan kesalahan pada keadaan atau lebih ekstremnya lagi pada orang lain. In my personal opinion, i dont know what they feel, since being wrong is what makes us human. Lalu banyak juga dari mereka yang mengalami kesulitan dalam bersosialisasi, di mana hal ini dapat dilatarbelakangi oleh banyak sekali faktor, mulai dari faktor bawaan seperti malu dan takut untuk memulai percakapan dengan orang lain, sampai dengan faktor eksternal seperti faktor lingkungan sosial yang tidak mendukung seorang anak untuk bisa bersosialisasi dengan baik dan aman. I think when we grow up, we all get to learn how to sosialise and some of us are just having harder experiences. What matter is just keep trying. Ketidakmampuan pribadi dan sosial memang lebih kompleks dan tidak sama antara orang yang satu dengan yang lainnya. Hal yang melatarbelakangi ketidakmampuan ini pun lebih beragam dan rumit. Tapi yang jelas adalah bahwa ketidakmampuan ini sama mengganggunya dengan ketidakmampuan fisik dan mental. Adalah hal yang sangat wajib untuk terus melatih ketidakmampuan tersebut agar menjadi lebih baik, sama seperti ketika 25 anak di Panti Tuna Ganda Heesu berlatih berjalan dan berbicara.

Maka, adalah hal yang wajar untuk tetap memperbaiki diri. Perbaikan kepribadian bukanlah perkara umur, tapi perkara kedewasaan dan kerendahan hati untuk mau mengakui bahwa kita masih memiliki ketidakmampuan.

21st of June

As time goes by,

All the sudden and the burden by

We never think we'll met that way

And end up in us

With all the detail in me

Yet with the softness in you 

As time goes by,

We laugh and maybe i cry
We were friends until we kissed

And end up in us
With all my cheer

And all your kinds 

As time goes by,

We through some, yet still far from dry

We believe what we believe

And end up in us 

With our believe in love

With our deception of love

As time goes by,
Without fear, with no lie
We through what we've been through
And end up in us
With all the journey
And all of the memory


As time goes by,
Sometimes fall, sometimes we fly
We've come along
And end up in us
With your dream
And always with my heart


As time goes by,
We learn love and we stop to try
We are still you and me
But end up in us
You with your big heart
I am with my passion of soul


As time goes by,
From my twenty to my twenty-two
We've come this far
Still end up in us
With the new me and you
But the old old love


As time goes by,
All the trip we were passing by
Here we are now
End up in us
And have learnt happiness
Cause you give me a lot


Now hear me say,
If we are not meant to be together
Then maybe love doesnt exist             

i love you,

as

time

goes

by.

love as is what?

Do you ever fall in love? I bet you do. Now, do you believe in love? I bet some of you dont know still yet. Sigh, me too here. For so many times i questioned love and then there was the time when i thought love does exist, but now i still dont know to be honest. At the very first beginning, i thought love is a fairytale, because i could see it on barbie and ken's eyes but not on my parents'. And then when i grew up a little bigger, i thought love exists, because my friends got it and i was wishing to get mine too. Until i met the very first boyfriend of mine which made me thought that love is a lie, just like Santa Clause. They're made only to bring us hopes, sometimes it's good, sometimes it leads us nowhere. Years went by with me believing no love. I thought we only could find the person closest to our love not our love himself, because well he doesnt exist. Up until i believe in love again, when i met kikin, because i learn that love is nothing about compromising, instead it's really about meeting the right person. But then he said -and it made me thought, if love does exist, world would be so unfair, because love is the source of our happiness (yes because in a normal condition we'll get married in age between 28 - 35, so for the next maybe 50 years, we'll spending it with our love and it will sort of becoming our source of happiness, it should be right? because if it is not i'd rather be not getting married) and we could have chance to miss it. And since love is the source of our happiness, can you imagine how sad people-who-miss-their-love's life? And now, several years after the conversation, i thought love as is soulmate is never really been there, because if it exists we couldnt continue our life without considering other aspects than the love itself anyway. You met your love and bam shit still happens, the easiest example, your family could not accept him or the other way around.

So, after notbelieving-believing-notbelieving-andbelieving in love, now i still havent found my truely side. What matter for me now is shit happens, how to improvise in life? So, till we meet again, love.

Ciao!

terbang, hinggap lalu menghilang..

Tuhan, alam, manusia
Mana mungkin kita tak saling mengenal
Mana mungkin tak menyatu
Di sini kita tinggal bersama
Melihat dunia
Memandang semesta

Tuhan, alam, manusia
Siapa bilang kita bermusuhan
Siapa bilang kita saling meniadakan
Di sini kita tinggal bersama
Menyaksikan burung
Yang terbang, hinggap lalu menghilang

Kalau Tuhan itu tak ada
Konsep alam akan menjadi terlalu sulit untuk dijelaskan
Alam dengan segala keindahannya yang absolut
Keindahan alam membuat Tuhan menjadi nyata
Lalu manusia datang, dan membuat alam menjadi hidup
Layaknya nafas bagi insan, manusia memberi alam kehidupan
Lalu mengapa kau bilang kita tak saling mengenal?