- Predictably Irrational

1. Doesn't it scare you, how in one snap, one second, people can change their mind? How in fact, people are predictably irrational and thus it makes their acts, their decisions, their responses, their reactions are inconsistent, are subjective and depending on too much variables with limited knowledge.

2. And yet, we are born as individual and social being which makes us sometimes, on certain conditions, to certain people, dependent.

3. Although, growing up as adults, we are becoming more and more aware of the fact that we should never depend on anyone but ourselves, that we cannot put our happiness on anybody’s hands but ours. Because it will make us irresponsible, to ourselves.

4. But on that condition, to that people, we are devoted, we glued ourselves.

5. Until one day, like any other day, we unconsciously blink, and these people are gone. They change their minds. One day they love, one day they are not. Predictably irrational.

6. Maybe that’s what marriage is for. To make it all less scary. Love, love is another thing. It’s like how man can separate sex from love. Love and marriage; they are apples and oranges.

==

2015

It's been a long time. I guess the longest one. Actually 2014 was gone just like that. It's been fun, but just like that, it's 2015 already. I'm not saying that it didn't leave any marks in my life, but it's gone too fast. I think I've been using most of the times in 2014 to work. So.., one snap and it is 2015 now. Damn..

I'm getting old. Still so much to achieve, but I will already be 25 by this June. OMG.

But you know what, I learned a lot in 2014. I learned that sky really is the limit. That if everyday we push ourselves a little more, we actually can. I learned that everybody has their comfort zone. Sometimes it's a place, a career, and sometimes it's a person. And there's no way we can judge people about that. Leaving comfort zone is one of the hardest thing to do. So just let them learn their way.

That's all for today. And, MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR 2015, folks! Keep succeeding!

- Alice.

LATE NIGHT GLIMPSE

Jodoh itu pilihan. Sesederhana analogi klasik memilih bunga di taman tanpa boleh kembali ke belakang. Diam di tempat takut menyesal melewatkan pemandangan di depan; melanjutkan perjalanan takut salah menyia-nyiakan yang sudah di tangan, apalagi kalau sudah terlanjur bikin taman yang kecil dengan isi bunga yang terbatas.

Mau takut yang mana pun juga adalah sebuah pilihan. Diam di tempat membunuh rasa penasaran dan strangely merelakan diri to fit in dengan ketidak-pas-an itu sendiri. Lanjut berjalan bertaruh dengan ketidakpastian dan mengambil resiko kesepian. Pilihan.

Tapi ada yang bukan pilihan. Keraguan. Dan semua pemikiran tentang ketakutan akan pilihan-pilihan yang ada. Kalau sudah begini tinggal keberanian yang berperan. Mau bertahan dalam keraguan atau berpetualang mencari jawaban.

Aug 4, 12:50 AM.

Politics

Her face is doomed

His mouth mumbling

Like a handsome idiot

Both are politician

Both pretty

They talk like the smartest

And secretly thinking about sex

Most of their kind is just like them

They talk talk talk

Then sex sex sex

And then comes one hero

Who sincerely cares

And everybody keeps telling

That it’s just for his image

Maybe nobody knows anymore

The slight difference

Between cares and tales

Old Memorial Park

That place was full with darkness

I could see nothing but white smelly smolder

I went there to pick up someone

Someone from my past

She’s pretty but fake

Like a mannequin

Her nose is perfect

And her hair is all black

Back then she was a waitress

In a restaurant right down the Sunset Street

Near my apartment, a place where I barely live

We’re not a lover

Nor a best friend

I just knew her from where I got my coffee

And she just knew me as one lousy customer

Not long from now she just got hit by a car

I saw her from across the street

And dropped my cup of coffee

I stood there for three hours

And she was brought to faraway

Far from Sunset Street

So I don’t drink coffee anymore

Instead, I went to that Memorial Park

To pick her up and trying to be a lover

One night I dream

I drink coffee and she walks next to me

Hand on hand, still on the Sunset Street

I want to be that silly woman who doesn't care much about everything. I want to be irresponsible and do what I like. I want to be sarcastic and not afraid of anything. I want to be free.

What if..

Hi, world. It's been a long time.. I don't feel really well today. I miss my friends a lott.. I feel lonely here.. I wish, and I really wish, I could turn back time and go to my very happy moments. I want to sing, I want to play.. Just this second, I want to close my eyes and fly. Fly to my long long happiness. I want a longgg deep hug. I'm too scared of everything. Gimana kalo semua mimpi-mimpi gw cuma semu. Gimana kalo gw bakal end up being nobody.. Gimana kalo I'm not that good or I'm not trying hard enough.. Gimana kalo gw kehilangan cinta dalam hidup gw.. Gimana kalo gw sendirian.. I'm scared and I just need a longg deep hugg.. Just this time.. Gimana kalo semua tulisan gw tentang mimpi memang cuma mimpi.. Gimana kalo semua perasaan excited gw tentang mimpi cuma berenti di situ aja.. Gimana? Ah, I feel sick..

The Ocean

I want to go see the ocean
And tell him how much I miss him

Not so long time ago we were sitting there side by side,
and all things about love has been figured out

Now the heart is empty again

But the ocean is still there
Sings to me from faraway, about love that never finds a way

So I wanna tell him that love is never be the same
I might find another love, some other times
But it'll never be the same

So I pack my bag
With plan to come back
Bring my copy of love
And show it to the rest of the world

A month.. A year..
And now I'm here
But the ocean is still there

So I pack again
With no plan to come back
Two years.. Three years..
And the ocean is still there..

LOVE ME SO

Today, a year ago
If only I knew that I was gonna lost you
I will hug you tight and not letting you go
Come here and kiss me once again
And you'll see that you love me so
I know that you love me so

Tomorrow, I don't know if I will regret what I've said
But tonight, I'm letting you know how I love you so
Kiss me
And just love me once again
Love me a year or so
And you'll see that you love me so
That you love me so

-a lyric-

People are not afraid to try. People afraid to loose then they gave up trying.

The city where everything walks slower.

Bandung is not just a city. But I know some of you won’t understand, cause you don’t live there for 10 years or so. Bandung is a history, it’s a memory and it’s magic. When you open your window and all you get are wind blows and all your eyes see are trees. That is my view for over last four years of my life there. When you go all the way down Ciumbuleuit Street and spent tons of laughs with your best friends. The best part is when the nights comes, I could just go across the street cause right in front of my boarding house there is this mini bar where my friends and I could talk about everything like we know everything and we are the smartest groups on earth and have the brightest future ahead. You have no idea how many problems have been solved by the beers that bar sold.

Morning in Bandung is also the best part. To be very honest I didn’t take any shower for some of my morning classes cause it was too freezy breezy. I just grabbed my books and ran a little. Outside, all the trees and winds were waiting. It’s like going to college in Norwegia or somewhere in Scandinavia land, although I’ve never been to any of it, but it is something like that, I promise you. And at certain times, all flowers of trees at the left and right side of Cipaganti Street are fallen off. It’s like fall along the road. If you never sit at the back of a motorcycle, stretch your arms as wide open as you can and take as many winds as your lungs able to gather, then you never know what happiness for me is.

The fact is I never miss a city like I always miss this one. And I think, if you never hold someone’s hand in this city just to fooling around, you’re never be in love..

CHRISTMAS

Christmas is about to come. This is the month that I will enjoy the most. God has been too nice to me, every single day. I can’t remember the last time He did bad things to me. It’s like everything in my life happens for a good reason. A wise man said, it’s not happy people who are thankful, but it’s a thankful people who are happy.  I think that’s true. Whatever it is, I thank God for my life, for myself, and I do happy :)
 

Back to Christmas. The air of Christmas brings me joy. With all the rain to the world and maybe snow to the other world, everything seems more beautiful and peaceful. I enjoy every minute of it. I don’t want Christmas to be over soon, cause then it will be year-end event and then 2014 will take my youth cause I’ll turn 24 soon :(

I do count my age. It will be awesome if my age could stop at 23 for 3 years ahead, but it seems impossible. Blahh, well then, that’s all for today. Enjoy this month, fellas! CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS :)

A good times to come ;)

Don't you think it's funny, how people act to their life. We consider our problems are hard and others' are simpler and if only we have that problems and not this one, we can solve it. So, should we just switch our problems? Switching life?

I watch people hanging out with their friends and their lovers in quite, talking to their smartphones. And i just sit here, in the very corner of the coffee shop, clicking around over my laptop. A man and another girl are just like me. Talking with their selves, keeping their mind busy with this heavy tablet. I think, just like me, they need to do this to keep them sane. Being alone without being lonely.

My heart is still trying to find happiness without the love i know being around. One by one, these emptiness are gone, and i start to be grateful for what happened. I know that eventually the world will not always give us a hard time. My part is to keep living and prepare myself for the good times to come. Nah, i don't want to switch my life with anybody.

Ciao now.

PEOPLE, WORLD AND WAR

I have to admit, sometimes i feel like i've been trapped between this age, this body and this disturbing mind. I am 23 now and currently in office i've been friends with boys and girl older than me. I don't know why, but these boys and girl who are finally i can get along with. And maybe two or three of them said that i'm an old girl. My brain sounds older than just twenty-three.

I don't know why, but i feel like it's kinda true. I start to realise that most of the times, when people start to bugging around, complaining about their life, their jobs, their everything, when other people might just have nothing, i just tired. And i start to shut myself from them. Well, you all need to start to realise that we make our l i f e. We make our life and we make it like this, and so if we don't like it, we can just change it instead of complaining over and over again. Some people just stop at "i don't like it" and do not continue to the "changing it to be like that" part. So who should i blame? The world? Oh no. I should blame you. And without doubt or guilty feeling, i will blame you.

Cause everybody has problem and sometimes it is much much bigger than yours and they make it. They live a happy life. And you? Well, if they can, you can. That's always be the basic principal in life, isn't it? And please don't turn yourself into a hater. I'm just sick of it. Whenever you feel like you're about to make unnecessary comment about somebody else, ask yourself, can you do what they do?

So, to sum up, life is a war. Everyday, it is a war. It is a war with yourself and time is ticking. Cause time ain't gonna stop whether you like your life or you're not. So make your time valuable. Use it to enjoy your life, and still if you don't, use it to change your life to become one.

XoXo,
Alice.

Cinta tanpa suara.

Mungkin kita adalah sepasang kekasih itu. Kekasih hati yang tahu mencintai, tapi tak tahu memiliki. Kekasih yang lebih tau mencintai saat terpisah kata, terpisah rasa. Kekasih yang selalu merasa kurang saat bersama dan selalu bertanya-tanya apakah memang dia adanya. Namun saat peluk tak lagi bisa dijangkau, di situlah hati meyakini satu sama lain.

Atau mungkin memang cerita kita tak berakhir di sini. Akan tiba saatnya kau kembali lalu aku memaki tapi kau kan tetap kembali. Mungkin dari sekian banyak skenario yang bisa ku pikirkan, ini adalah skenario terbaik. Lalu kita kan bersama, beranak cucu berdua. Ku buatkan kau kopi pahitmu setiap pagi dan kau dengarkan celotehku saat kembali dari pengejaran hari.

Namun yang paling mungkin sedang terjadi adalah sebenarnya aku mencintai dan kau tidak. Sesederhana itu. Aku mencintai dan kau tidak. Dan sulit sekali hati mengerti. Sulit ku memahami. Karna lalu buat apa cintaku? Buat apa pedihku? Kenapa harus ada pihak-pihak seperti aku? Lalu ada pihak-pihak seperti kamu. Dan nanti akan ada pihak-pihak seperti dia, yang memenangkan hatimu? Kesedihan ini nyata, senyata rasa cinta yang tak kunjung henti. Senyata harap yang tak segera habis.

-Aku.

Magic Medicine

Writing for me is like a medicine. I am all my works these days and my head can’t stop pounding. But then, in a time like this, I just put aside everything, put my headset on and write. And suddenly I am in my world again. I exist and I am me again. I can’t imagine a person without his or her medicine, what his or her world would be like. With all of these things going on in adults world, work problems, money problems, relationship stuff and all that, for how long people can stand-still without their medicine? I think that’s maybe why people going like literally crazy.

And then I realise, if now I am in this hard time and I can and will through it all with the help of writing, there must be other times when this kind of situation happened, cause well my life no matter how I want it to be simple, sometimes it gets too complicated for my little brain. And yes, it happens a lot of times when I began to remember. This magic medicine. I guess it helps me through a lot of things.

And now, when I became real aware of it, I realise, if I have this simple medicine, and every hard time in my 23 years of life I can manage, what should I be too afraid of about tomorrow? Nothing no? Yes, nothing. I just need to stop, put my headset on and write. And then I am in my world again. Despite all of the craziness happens around me. And this smile, I won’t make it disappear for this piece of papers. Cause you know, eventually it's all up to you, pals. WHAT YOU GAVE UP AND WHAT YOU DON'T. So choose what's best. For you, not for anyone but you.

Cheers!

Alice, 09 Oct 13

A real deal.

When people are in sick, they start to see things differently. They imagine if life would give them more times, more chances. People start to think about things they do not even care about before. How other people will remember or honored them. Will people come to their funerals? Do they say I love you quite often to people they care about. What’s the meaning of their life? What’s their meaning for life itself? For the world? Are they even matter?

People start to think about life after death. Is heaven a real deal? And if it is, will they deserve it? And then in order to answer the question, they start to do more kindness.

Knowing the thing, now, when things start to seem like falling apart, I imagine myself stand at my final stage of life. I am weak and very sick. What will I do over the falling if I am sick? Will I keep being so angry or I’ll forgive? Will I give up or surviving? A wise man once said, every wheel must be spinning. If you already know the fact, when your wheel is low, you just need to survive, cause eventually it will spin again.

So, keep surviving, folks, even in your hardest time :)

-Alice

here i stand with my silly eyes and empty heart. looking for the best way to ignore you. not you you, but you in my head.

Kata Perempuan

Aku tak tahu kenapa zaman sekarang ini orang-orang sering mengasosiasikan perempuan dengan kebendaan, harta dan lainnya. Perempuan zaman sekarang ngga mau hidup susah dan ngga mau diajak susah. Sementara sebagai perempuan itu sendiri, dan aku yakin banyak perempuan-perempuan lain juga merasakan hal yang sama, yang aku butuh cuma laki-laki yang laki-laki. Laki-laki yang berpindah ke sisi jalan ketika kita akan menyeberang, laki-laki yang ngga pernah merasa canggung untuk bilang I love you, laki-laki yang dengan berat hati bilang maaf ya aku belum bisa beliin barang yang kamu mau waktu kita curhat kalo kita lagi bokek padahal pingin sesuatu, laki-laki yang willingly merasa bertanggung jawab atas kita. Setidaknya itu yang aku ingat dari kikin.

Jadi aku rasa salah kalau perempuan diidentikkan dengan semuanya itu, kita cuma perempuan after all, kita butuh imam, butuh pelindung, kita butuh pemimpin, kita butuh merasa aman. Kita cuma perempuan dan kalian cuma laki-laki, kita berbeda tapi membutuhkan hal yang sama. Kita butuh dicintai dengan tulus seperti kalian juga berharap ada perempuan yang mencintai kalian dengan tulus tanpa memandang harta dan rupa. Sama kan? Kebutuhan kita yang beda, cinta yang kita anggap tulus itu yang beda, dan kita harap kalian mau mengerti, seperti kami juga mau mengerti bahwa kalian butuh banyak waktu for your brotherhood thingy tanpa interruption dari kita. Kita harap kalian mengerti bahwa kami juga punya kebutuhan, yang mungkin berbeda, dan ketika kebutuhan itu datang, kami tidak ingin disebut sebagai perempuan yang banyak mau dan sebagainya. Kita hanya berharap kalian mengerti, seperti kami juga mengerti.

Confession

Now, after more than half of year, i have to admit that i am no longer dating the man whom i usually said as my perfect match. Not that he's no longer my perfect match. But apparently, i am not his perfect match. Too bad it is.. But life it is..

But, to sum up, i am a survivor, and i survive, or surviving. And, to be underlined, i don't blame anyone. It's just what life gives me. And i take it as journey. Always a journey, my life :). You know what makes me sad the most? Knowing that i'm no longer having a lover who was able to continue my sentence before i even finished it. But it's okay, cause ya we're (and by we i mean me and anyone who feels the same) the type of guy who don't die easily. We are all Bruce Willis in real life.

The last part of it, i want to share something pretty funny i guess, to get it from the broken-up thingy. This is my broken-hearted-steps, haha, :

DAY 1 & 2  |  Feel sad and betrayed
DAY 3 & 4  |  Blaming myself
DAY 5  |  Feel angry
DAY 6 - 20  |  Feel messed up
DAY 21 - 23  |  Feel stupid
DAY 24 - present  |  Feel better, but keep looking the way to move on

Do you feel the same?